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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27735022">Mistletoe and Drawing a Line</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asexual_Enjolras/pseuds/Asexual_Enjolras'>Asexual_Enjolras</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>BBC Ghosts, Ghosts (TV 2019)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Asexual Captain, Asexual Character, Bisexual Pat (Ghosts), Button House (Ghosts TV 2019), Canon Compliant, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Special, Fluff, Happy Ending, Homophobic Language, Homosexual Captain (Ghosts), Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Mistletoe, No Smut, Pat is a Softie, Pat loves The Captain, Self-Acceptance, Soulmates, The Captain is Gay (Ghosts TV 2019), The Captain loves Pat, The Captain wants to be Loved, implied asexuality</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 18:40:24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,668</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27735022</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asexual_Enjolras/pseuds/Asexual_Enjolras</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Alison places mistletoe up within Button House, the ghosts attempt to accept the festivities for what they are. However, the introduction of such a controversial plant within the house invites arguments and debates regarding the use of the plant as an excuse to kiss anyone that you like. </p><p>When it becomes apparent that two of the ghosts have never kissed anyone before, a conversation is sparked surrounding why that may be the case. With Thomas explaining that it was not acceptable in his day to kiss any woman he wants, the Captain explains that it was not acceptable in his day to kiss who he wanted.</p><p>And from this, one man learns to open up about who he really is - and invites another to assist him along the way.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Carol/Pat (Ghosts TV 2019), The Captain &amp; Pat (Ghosts TV 2019), The Captain/Lieutenant Havers (Ghosts TV 2019), The Captain/Pat (Ghosts TV 2019)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>94</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Mistletoe and Drawing a Line</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>***</p><p>“Oh, mistletoe always makes me feels so-“ Kitty swooned, breaking off her own sentence as her arms hugged around her body, grinning up at the festive plant above her head.</p><p>“Is just plant.” The Caveman grumbled, his arms crossing in frustration.</p><p>“Oh, no – it is wonderful, Robin!” She gushed, spinning around with joy.</p><p>“Actually, I agree with Kitty. Yes.” Julian chimed in, in his usual debating tone. Alison turned her attention to the MP, noticing his wide Cheshire-cat grin. She frowned in confusion. Mistletoe is a romantic, sentient object and that did not strike her as something he would be interested in. Julian uncrossed his legs, standing up and pointing up at the plant with his finger. “Yes, this plant gives you the power to kiss anyone that’s beneath it.”</p><p>“You still need their consent though, Julian.” Alison said, in a serious tone.</p><p>“Mistletoe is the consent, Alison.”</p><p>“Oh, I despair.” Thomas shivered.</p><p>“What?” Julian asked as he looked around at the other ghosts – who were all, now – shaking their heads at his ignorance. “It did. At least it did at the parties I went to.”</p><p>Alison felt a tingle collapse down her spine, her brain hurting at the idea.</p><p>“If it is any consolation, lovely Alison, we all saw the parties that Julian attended and – well, how can I say this without sounding rude? Um – that plant did act as ‘consent’ in their eyes.” Thomas said.</p><p>“Yes – they were all equally as vulgar.” Fanny muttered.</p><p>***</p><p>“Oh – good heavens.” The Captain straightened his collar, clearing his throat in clear discomfort at the sight before him.<br/>

Robin’s arms dropped from Mary, who he had been holding tight beneath the mistletoe – his lips planted harshly against hers.</p><p>“’Ello Cap’ain.” Mary pulled away from the Caveman, her smile wider than he’d ever seen it.</p><p>“What is going on here?”</p><p>“Is plant.” Robin pointed up at the mistletoe above him, and then pulled Mary back into the hold he had her in before the Captain had arrived.</p><p>“Good Lord.” He muttered, backing out of the room. “Animals.” He said under his breath. “This will not stand.”</p><p>***<br/>

“Alison!” He raced into the room, screaming at the top of his lungs. “Alison!”</p><p>“What is it, Cap?” A small voice came from the corner of the room, a small voice belonging to Pat. He blinked at the Captain, smiling kindly with a confused expression on his face.</p><p>"I need to speak with Alison regarding that God awful plant out there. Do you happen to know where she is?" </p><p>"The mistletoe?" Pat tilted his head.</p><p>"Yes - bloody ridiculous plant if you ask me. I've just seen Robin and - and Mary - you know."</p><p>He couldn't even bring himself to say it, Pat noticed. It was that difficult for him. Romance. It wasn't the Captain's favourite thing in the world to begin with, but when it was forced he felt even worse about it. </p><p>"I simply must find Alison." He said.</p><p>"About the plant?"</p><p>"Yes, Patrick." He growled. "Sorry - yes - about the plant." He lessened the aggressiveness in his tone, smiling at the Skipper for a slight second.</p><p>***</p><p>"I don't quite understand your point, Captain." Alison furrowed her brows.</p><p>"I say - it is bringing the house into disrepute - everyone kissing people and spreading romance and-"</p><p>"That is the whole point." Alison said. "It's Christmas."</p><p>"Yes - well - it is something that I want putting a stop to, if you wouldn't mind."</p><p>"I would mind actually. People are having fun."</p><p>“You are such a sourpuss.” Kitty screamed, folding her arms in anger. “You always ruin all the fun just because you never had any in your life. And now you just ruin it in death for everyone else too.”</p><p>Alison had never seen Kitty lose her temper before, and it was strange to see.</p><p>“Here, here.” Julian nodded along. “Very well said.”</p><p>Pat felt his heart sink, looking at the hurt on the Captain’s face. He would always try to hide it because of the person that he was but – in the few decades that Pat had known the Captain – he had learned to recognise when he was hurting.</p><p>"Right - moving back to what we were just discussing." Alison drew the attention back to what they were talking about before, turning to Thomas.</p><p>“Have you never kissed anyone, Thomas?” Alison asked, her voice filled with genuine inquisition.</p><p>“No – I suppose I have not.” He said. </p><p>“Pity for you.” Julian muttered, his lips turning into a decanted smirk. “I, for one, kissed enough women for all of you. Enough to go around, I say.”</p><p>“The horror of it.” Thomas spat. “You are an animal, Julian.” His disgrace was more present than ever, and his disgust was more evident than ever as he unfolded his arms and placed his hands upon his forehead; pretending to fall faint.</p><p>“I do not want any of your women.” Fanny grumbled, turning her nose up.</p><p>“You didn’t see them.”</p><p>“Yes, I did. And I, for one, am not a despicable person like my husband.”</p><p>The Captain’s eyes trailed on the older woman, her words stinging his chest a little more than he would care to admit. He knew that Fanny was out-dated but he did not recognise just how much.</p><p>“I can’t believe it – have you really never kissed anyone?”</p><p>“It was a different time back then, Alison.” Fanny stepped in. Alison prepared herself for a lecture, biting her lip. “People were not allowed to just kiss anyone that they pleased.” She said. </p><p>“Most people were not prostitutes.”</p><p>“Er – sex workers.” Alison said.</p><p>“Excuse me?”</p><p>“Sex workers is – is the preferred name for people in that profession now.”</p><p>“Hm, yes, well. Your first kiss should be that on your wedding day with your significant other and nobody else.” Fanny grumbled.</p><p>“Yes but – to go an entire lifetime without even one kiss. That’s just so-“</p><p>“Sad.” Julian chimed. “Upsetting. Depressing, really.” </p><p>“That wasn’t quite what I was going to say.”</p><p>“Perhaps not but it is what you were thinking, I know it.” Julian shrugged.</p><p>Alison swallowed, smiling slightly. </p><p>“Wait – the Captain never kissed anyone in this house, either.”</p><p>“This does not involve me.” The Captain said.</p><p>“It does now.” Julian grinned.</p><p>“Well, I do not wish to be included in this conversation.” He pouted, desperately attempting to push away from the group. Alison nodded, drawing away from the Captain at his wish.</p><p>“Have you really never kissed anyone, Thomas?” She asked. </p><p>“Like – really?”</p><p>“It was not approved of to just kiss anyone.” Fanny said, answering for him again. “It was a completely different time. A better time, if you ask me.”</p><p>“Stupid time.” Julian laughed.</p><p>“It was frowned upon to kiss someone out of wedlock, sweet Alison.” Thomas explained. Alison nodded. “But the Captain – well – he has never kissed anyone either. Let us return to that.”<br/>
Pat felt his heart drop, knowing just how uncomfortable that would make the Captain.</p><p>“Yes, actually, let’s.” Alison turned her body around, facing the Captain now.</p><p>“Never kissing anyone. Makes no sense to me.” Julian stammered, shaking his head in dismay.</p><p>“Yes – well – perhaps it was ‘frowned upon’ to kiss who I would wish to in my day too.” The Captain cleared his throat, biting the inside of his mouth with anxiety.</p><p>“Because there was a war on, I see.” Alison nodded, placing her finger onto her chin and turning back to Thomas.</p><p>“Yes – rather – exactly that.” The Captain agreed, nodding along despite not understanding Alison’s idiocy.</p><p>“Right – back to you then, Mr. Thorne.”</p><p>Thomas stared at Alison with confusion. He furrowed his eyebrows, raising his arms.</p><p>“I may not be an expert in the matter; however, I do recall a number of poems that fair Alison showed me – depicting your ‘World Wars’ as a rather romanticised era within history.” He said. “How can it be that you were not allowed to kiss anyone when it portrays such love and romance within those I have read?”</p><p>The Captain felt himself sweat, his brow dampening. He had often said the wrong thing in his lifetime – and in his death – but he had always been able to get himself out of any situation that he placed himself in. He had an art for it. Despite never having had to physically debate with anyone, the Captain knew that he was able to talk himself out of anything if he needed to. And he had needed to on several occasions in life – especially where his previous Lieutenant was involved.</p><p> Alison turned her attention back to the Captain.</p><p>“Oh yeah, I remember doing it in school, actually. Romance was one of the main things that got soldiers through the trauma of the war. Did you never get involved in that?” She asked. “Even overseas – did you not kiss any German women?”</p><p>“The Germans were the oppressors, Alison.” Pat said.</p><p>“Right – um – French ladies then?”</p><p>The Captain felt a lump form in his throat. He fidgeted in his stance, his legs almost collapsing beneath him.</p><p>“I do not think this is a very fun topic for Christmas Eve.” Pat’s voice panned in, his teeth jarring in a hope that the attention would pull away from the evidently uncomfortable soldier. In his experience of knowing the Captain, he had noticed that the man would happily discuss his warfare experiences, his life as a WWII soldier and his experience as a commanding officer – but he would draw away from his personal life. “How about we talk about everyone’s favourite Christmas meal? We can go around the room.”</p><p>“No, I’m intrigued now.” Alison said. </p><p>Pat sighed, staring into the Captain’s desperate eyes.</p><p>“What did you mean?” She quizzed, crossing her legs and making herself comfortable ready for the story. She had grown fond of their stories, enjoying listening about their lives more and more. </p><p>“It does not matter.” The Captain responded. </p><p>“Seriously – why didn’t you kiss anyone?” Alison’s tone was more demanding and harsh than she had originally intended it to be, but it was too late for her to take that back now so she stood by it.</p><p>“If you could – excuse me, please.”</p><p>He exited the room, sharply.</p><p>“Oh, the despair.” Thomas said.</p><p>“I cannot make sense of that man.” Fanny added.</p><p>“Thomas – you haven’t kissed a woman either, so I don’t really think you have any place to judge.” Pat’s volume was a little louder than he had intended it to be, his eyes wide as he paced up and down the room. He stopped, pointing at Fanny. “And you – your husband cheated on you with his friend so you have no room to question anyone’s relationship choices.”</p><p>Once again, Alison was witnessing one of the most respectful ghosts in the house losing his temper, and it was baffling her brain. It must be something about Christmas time that made them all miss their lives more so than usual, she deduced.</p><p>“Julian, you shouldn’t even begin to open your mouth about this matter because we all know that you had no respect for women. And Robin, just no. Kitty – you had no right to call the Captain a ‘sourpuss’ without fully understanding why he held such passionate opinions about the stupid plant, and Alison – you shouldn’t have pushed him so far. It’s not fair.”</p><p>Alison swallowed.</p><p>“You’re right, Pat. We all crossed a line.” Alison agreed – mainly to keep the smaller man quiet.</p><p>“I don’t mean to be rude, or to get angry but none of you quite understand the ordeal that the Captain had to go through in life.”</p><p>“Yes, we do – actually.” Kitty said.</p><p>“No, you don’t.”</p><p>“We so do.”</p><p>“No, we do, Pat.” Fanny said. “We were present while he was stationed here, were we not?”</p><p>Thomas nodded, as did Robin, Kitty and Mary.</p><p>“Yes – right. I suppose you were.”</p><p>“Come on then – what was he like?” Alison asked. Pat’s eyes rolled, her teeth gritting as he stared at Alison with despair.</p><p>“The same as he is now.” Thomas replied. “Mopey, miserable, moody.” He rhymed.</p><p>“Precisely that.” Fanny agreed.</p><p>“Except – he was moping about because of that soldier.” Humphrey’s voice bellowed from across the room.<br/>
Alison turned her attention to him, his body slumped on the sofa as his head lay on the floor.</p><p>“Soldier?” She asked, walking over to the ghost she had spoken to the least of them all. “Someone – someone help dear Humphrey here.” She signalled towards his head on the floor.<br/>
Thomas complied, instantly, to her request and raced to place the man’s head back onto his shoulders.</p><p>“Thank you.” He said, smiling. “Are you telling me that none of you noticed this?” He turned to Kitty, Fanny, Robin, Thomas and Mary. They all shrugged, looking at one another with confused expressions.</p><p>“What?” Alison asked, exasperated.</p><p>“That soldier that left the house – they wrote one another letters every so often.” He said. “And not the professional type, that is for sure.”</p><p>Pat felt his heart begin to race. This was cruel. He had no idea where the Captain was but speaking about him behind his back was unfair and cowardly. They could easily speak to him about it. Well, not easily – but they could try to speak to him.</p><p>“This ‘soldier’. Do you mean – Lieutenant Havers?” Pat piped up.</p><p>“Havers?” Alison asked. “Who is Havers?”</p><p>Pat bit his lip, despising himself for mentioning it.</p><p>“Lieutenant Havers was a soldier in my regiment.” The Captain’s deep tone surprised everyone, startling them to turn to face him. “Thank you, Patrick.” He grumbled. Pat felt his cheeks burn a bright red. He mouthed the word ‘sorry’, his eyes averting to the floor – unable to look at the look of betrayal on the Captain’s face through pain. “There is not much else to say about it.” He flushed.</p><p>“Oh, I see.” Alison said.</p><p>“See what?” The Captain blinked. </p><p>“You’re – you’re – you know?” She signalled to him. He frowned, confused as to what she was insinuating. </p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Don’t say it.” Pat said, putting his warning tone on. The Captain looked at him, frowning.</p><p>“Is there something that I am missing?” The Captain tilted his head. </p><p>Fanny’s eyes lit up with the realisation.</p><p>“My husband – you – you are like my husband, aren’t you?” She clicked her fingers, standing up.</p><p>Pat threw his head into his hands, shaking his head.</p><p>“I – I do not understand.” The Captain said.</p><p>“Christ – you’re a puff.” Julian spat. “That’s what they’re all trying to say.”</p><p>“A what?” The Captain frowned.</p><p>“Right – well, that’s not the word that’s used nowadays.” Alison corrected him, her eyes scorning his ignorance. She was sure he was aware how offensive his words were, but she was afraid that he didn’t care. “What Julian and Fanny, rather terribly, are trying to say is – do you think that you may be – you know – a homosexual, Captain?”</p><p>The Captain felt his throat close up, his breathing becoming heavy – although not literally. He felt himself becoming faint, although not Thomas ‘faint’ – literally faint. Pat licked his lips, his heart failing.</p><p>“That is an utterly ridiculous allegation.” The Captain said.</p><p>“Cap – it’s okay.” Pat stepped forward, placing his hand upon the Captain’s hand – making him flinch. Since his death, and since he could ever remember, the Captain had not been touched by anyone and he hated it more so than he could ever explain. “It’s alright.” He reiterated.</p><p>“Is it though?” Julian asked.</p><p>“Yes!” Both Alison and Pat screeched.</p><p>“You were literally alive when homosexuality was decriminalised.” Pat ranted. “How could you oppose it when your Government passed the law?”</p><p>“It was the Opposition, actually.” He folded his arms.<br/>
“Of course it was.” Pat rolled his eyes. “I was still at university when that law was passed – what a ridiculous piece of legislation.” </p><p>“The Sexual Offences Act?” Alison raised her eyebrows, surprising everyone at her knowledge.</p><p>“Yes – got me into some sticky situations, let’s put it that way.”</p><p>“You got yourself into some sticky situations.” Pat growled.</p><p>The Captain shook his head, completely confused by the conversation currently taking place before him. He still felt sick at the idea of his deepest secret being outed but he was unable to remain stressed about as he tried to keep up with what was going on.</p><p>“Right – well, anyway – it really is okay, Cap.” Pat turned his attention back to the soldier, his hand still placed firmly on his.<br/>
The Captain’s eyes filled with tears, him raising his chin to hide his upset.</p><p>“Blimey – if you would excuse me.” He said, dismissing himself from the room.</p><p>“I’ll go.” Alison said.</p><p>“No, no, I will. Please.” Pat begged. Alison nodded, allowing him to go.</p><p>The small man raced out of the room after the Captain.</p><p>***</p><p>The Scout leader tapped on the Captain’s shoulder, frightening the soldier slightly. As the taller man spun around, the brunette greeted him with his warm eyes with a soft smile.</p><p>“Hello, Cap.” He said.</p><p>“Patrick.” He bowed his head, wiping his eyes with his sleeve. The Captain had never been one to share his emotions with anyone but – ever since meeting him – he had always trusted Pat. He could not explain why but he did. He trusted Pat more so than anyone else he had ever known in his life. Pat opened his arms, inviting the taller man to fall into his hold. The Captain shook his head. “Thank you, but I am okay.”</p><p>Pat shook his head in response, sighing with a small laugh. He wrapped his arms around the soldier, feeling his tense posture melt into his hold.</p><p>“It is nothing to be ashamed of, Cap.” He said, simply.</p><p>“Thank you, Patrick.”</p><p>“I hope that you know that I mean it, Cap.”</p><p>“I do.”</p><p>“Actually – follow me.” Pat ran his hand down the Captain’s arms, his hand clasping onto the soldier’s – their fingers intwining automatically.</p><p>The smaller man guided the Captain back to the room decorated with Christmas décor, where the rest of the group were still arguing. He pulled him beneath the mistletoe.<br/>
Pat’s lips landed on the Captain’s, his eyes closing instantly as he melted into the touch of the taller male. Alison’s mouth fell agape, her hands clapping almost instantly as she screamed with delight.</p><p>“Ghost thing, I take it?” Mike asked, walking into the room.<br/>
Alison threw her finger towards him, instantly telling him to be quiet. </p><p>Though taken by surprise, and unsure of what to do entirely, the Captain felt Pat’s arms wrap around him. He shivered, his eyes watering at the idea of the situation befalling him. He felt his face squint, his nervous system tingling more so now than it ever did in life – even more so than the excitement he felt when discussing war tactics. Pat pulled away, smiling.</p><p>“There.” He grinned. “Now you’ve had your first kiss, Cap.” He said.</p><p>The Captain was speechless, his mouth agape at the thought of what had just occurred.</p><p>“What the-“</p><p>“Be quiet.” Alison demanded, growling.</p><p>"Oh - I love Christmas!" Kitty screeched. "I love it, I love it, I love it."</p><p>""Tis very sweets." Mary smiled. Alison noticed her grin widen further as she looked over to Robin, who was glaring at her with adoration.</p><p>"What happened?" Mike asked, piping in and breaking her happy gaze from them.</p><p>"Oh - just two ghosts." She said. "They've finally accepted their feelings for one another."</p><p>"Ah, which?" </p><p>"The Soldier and the Scout master."</p><p>"Well, they were definitely made for one another." Mike said, making all of the ghosts turn to stare at him.</p><p>"What exactly does he mean by that?" The Captain asked.</p><p>"What?" </p><p>"Because they were both valued leaders in their crafts, weren't they?" Mike said, making Alison smile at him. "And also - from what you've told me about them, they're always bickering so there was obviously a lot of sexual tensi-"</p><p>"Mike!" Alison snarled.</p><p>"Are they here?" </p><p>The Captain and Pat stared at one another, their eyebrows raising.</p><p>"Yes." She said, shaking her head with a laugh. "Actually - come to think of it, you did." </p><p>"Yes - you did." Fanny agreed. "Toxic masculinity."</p><p>"No, it's sweet." Alison said.</p><p>"It was just a kiss." The Captain lifted his chin once again, straightening his collar.</p><p>"Yes - precisely that." Pat nodded, feeling his eyes well up.</p><p>Pat blinked, taking leave.</p><p>The Captain felt a lump form in his throat, his heart yearning in pain at the realisation of what he said. Could it be true that Pat really did feel for him the things he felt for him? It had always sounded insane for him to believe that anyone could love him the same amount he loved them - Havers never did, so how could anyone else? He was aware how tedious and frustrating he could be but there was nothing he could do about it.</p><p>"Go and tell him." Kitty threw her hands in the air.</p><p>"Tell him what?" </p><p>"That you love him!" They all screamed in unison, their voices acting as a gunshot to the Captain, who raced out of the room to hunt for the small man.</p><p>***<br/>

Pat sat alone on the bench outside of the house, his eyes fixated on the tree stump outside.</p><p>“Patrick.” The Captain’s voice broke the small man’s focus. He turned around.</p><p>“Hello, Cap.” He said.</p><p>“May I – Would you mind if I joined you?” He asked.</p><p>“Of course not.” Pat said, moving up and making space for the other man.</p><p>He sat down, twiddling his thumbs as they both sat in deathly silence.</p><p>“I – I am sorry if I crossed a line today, Cap.” Pat said, tapping his shoulder and making him jump slightly. Although the Captain had been involved in a violent war and seen unimaginable horrors on the battlefield and he never flinched at the sound of a bomb explosion, the touch of another person had always made him uncomfortable. “I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable.”</p><p>“No, no – it is quite alright.” He said. “You did not.”</p><p>“I did, though.”</p><p>“No, Patrick – you did not.” He reiterated.</p><p>“In front of all of those people, I did.”</p><p>“Okay – yes – very much so.”</p><p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p>The Captain shuffled ever so closer to Patrick, his eyes fixated on the other man. He was studying his face more intensely than he had done before. He watched as the smaller man watched the birds fly away. His eyes were soft, he noticed, and – although he was doing nothing – the Captain could feel the positivity and optimism radiating from him.</p><p>“You know, it was a lonely few decades before you arrived here, Patrick.” The Captain said, taking the smaller man by surprise, his tone sensitive. Pat felt his eyebrows raise, his eyes welling up at the realisation of what those words meant. “Without your optimism here, mostly – I mean.” He said, retracing slightly. “It would not be the same without you here.”</p><p>“Thank you, Cap.” Patrick tilted his head – unsure what to make of that.</p><p>“I do not think that I am being fair to you by keeping what I am really thinking to myself.” He continued, swallowing his fear.<br/>

The Captain had never been someone to feel nerves, or fear, before but his heart was fluctuating beneath his (dead) ribcage. He bit his lip, swallowing his pride and preparing himself for what he was about to say.</p><p>“You don’t have to do this, Cap-“</p><p>“I rather think I am in love with you.” He blurted out, no longer holding back or thinking.</p><p>Pat stopped dead in his tracks (more so than usual – considering he was already dead). He found himself looking directly into the Captain’s eyes, who was staring back at him with a certain vulnerability that he had never seen before.</p><p>“Wha-“</p><p>“I am in love with you, Patrick.” He repeated.</p><p>“You are?”</p><p>The Captain had fought many battles before, but none of them quite lived up to the battle that he was currently facing – the battle that he had been attempting to fight his entire life – the battle against his own demons. This was taking a lot out of him.</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“I – I like you too.” Pat replied, softly.</p><p>The Captain felt his heart shatter – his eyes averting to the floor. He was used to the idea that he would be rejected for his love, but he had never considered that it would hurt quite as much.</p><p>“Sorry – I mean – I love you.” He corrected himself after seeing the hurt on the Captain’s face. “Um – the term ‘like’ was used in my day to counter the word ‘love’ – um – when people were nervous or - feeling awkward.”</p><p>“Oh, I see.” He nodded.</p><p>“I actually – that was what I said to Carol.”</p><p>The Captain laughed slightly at how awkward Pat had grown too. He had never seen the man look so uncomfortable before, but it was funny. Pat was always uncomfortable when he was speaking to the Captain. He had – since the first day of meeting him – always wanted to impress him.</p><p>“Sorry – strange time to mention my wife when I am here telling you that I love you, ain't it?” he shuffled.</p><p>“It is quite alright, Patrick.” He said.</p><p>Patrick took his hand and smiled. </p><p>“Who is Lieutenant Havers, Cap?” He cut the silence. "If you don't mind talking about it, I mean. I don't want to make you uncomfortable." </p><p>The Captain straightened his tie.</p><p>“He – um – he was my number two.” The Captain said. “He was – he left me.” </p><p>Pat could tell this was an uncomfortable conversation for the soldier, and he felt a small sense of pride that he was entrusting him with this information.</p><p>“Was he – the first?”</p><p>“He – was the only.”</p><p>Pat’s heart ached at that sentence.</p><p>“Did he know how you felt for him?”</p><p>“He did not, no.” </p><p>“Do you think he felt the same?”</p><p>“How could he?” He shrugged.</p><p>Pat paused. His mind was racing with reasons and he took a moment to process them - to make sense of what he was thinking and feeling.</p><p>“Because you are – you are the most dedicated person that I have ever met and – and you have more passion for – for life than anyone and I respect you so much. I admire your need to always help no matter the situation. You always do what you believe is right and – and you are the best person.” He felt his heart beating fast. “Even if you are sometimes controlling, and demanding and slightly unfair-“</p><p>“Right.”</p><p>“Sorry – I don’t know where that came from.” </p><p>“Completely uderstandable.” He said.</p><p>“No, but seriously – you are the – you are the best person that I have ever had the privilege of meeting.” </p><p>“Pat – you do not have to do this.”</p><p>“I mean it – I admire you.” He rested his head upon his shoulder, forcing himself into his arms. “I would say that this is a Christmas miracle but-“</p><p>“Yes – best not to.” The Captain laughed, simply.</p><p>“To think – all of this over some ridiculous plant, eh?”</p><p>“Yes – rather.” The Captain smirked. “Come on – let’s go inside.”</p><p>***</p><p>“Oh, there you are-“ Alison said, smiling in greeting at the Captain and Pat.</p><p>“We wanted to apologise, Cap.” Thomas said, pointing over to the television, which showed the title screen of ‘Saving Private Ryan’. “We were despicably ignorant.”</p><p>“Yes.” Fanny agreed. “We did not mean any offence.”</p><p>“Sorry, Captain.” Julian said.</p><p>“Besides, we do not think that your existence is negative. Homosexuality is completely acceptable.” Fanny said, looking directly at Alison – who was nodding along and holding her thumbs up.</p><p>“Thank you, Fanny. Thomas. Julian.” The Captain said.</p><p>“Rather have a male loving another male than a male sleeping with females for no reason.” Fanny looked over to Julian. “Especially dirty, cheating, slanderous-“</p><p>“Thank you, Fanny.”</p><p>They all sat down in front of the television, smiling. Pat’s hand clutched inside of the Captain’s, his head resting upon his shoulder. For the first time in his life – and his death – the Captain let out a breath and felt a warm feeling within his stomach.</p><p>“Merry Christmas, everyone.” Pat said.</p><p>“Yes – very.” The Captain smiled down at him. </p><p>***</p>
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